I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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