Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
