I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
