She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
