I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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