I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
