Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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