actually, I'm a sock model
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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