Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
