And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
