broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize