my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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