Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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