we're blogging at a bar
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
