She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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