i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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