i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
