I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
