I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
