it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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