I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
