My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
