I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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