i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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