I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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