Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I wish there were birth control emojis
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
