is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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