I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
