the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
