I bet he comes in French.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize