I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
