You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
he thought i was a dude.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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