When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
