All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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