Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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