your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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