I haven't been this sober since birth.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
