she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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