I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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