$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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