Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Just invented taco cereal.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
