So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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