I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
