I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
he quoted the bible to break up with me
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize