She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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