I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
