just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
