when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
