ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
whose ass print is on the piano?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
