This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
