I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
