She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
