Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
