Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
