Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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