listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
