saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
