I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
