I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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