No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize