I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
