mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
