Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
