i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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