Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
