I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
