I accidentally had phone sex last night
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
